It’s been a little over a month since I’ve been out of school. The race has begun to find a new job before the student loans come rolling in. This time around, I’m actually looking for a job that allows me to exercise my talents.
For too long there was a vagueness that surrounded my future. Now that the cloudiness is gone and I can finally see the future that I want for myself, and I am in a rush to have it. Every day that I sit at my desk and do the same stagnant things, I feel like I’m dying a slow painful death.
It was never really a doubt on whether my current position was for the long haul or not. It was something to pay the bills and give me some exposure to the cubicle life. With my master’s degree in hand and a new found confidence, I am ready to set foot into the world beyond this place. I am ready to create, build, and collaborate.
The past couple of weeks have been particularly difficult to navigate through. I’ve found it hard to explain this to the people in my life who are right where they want to be in life. They have long left behind the struggle for their place in the job market. They don’t have to leave their job at the end of the day thinking about how much time they wasted doing something that didn’t make them happy.
Once I was out of grad school, people assumed that I would have all this free time. But I don’t. I’ve thrown myself into my writing. I’ve thrown myself into a search for my dream job. The hard part starts now. I have to create my own deadlines. I have to create my own assignments. I have to stand firm when people invite me out for summer fun. My desktop is still being occupied during every free moment.
This week I’ve felt so alone in this fight but then I read this article on the Write Curl Diary. In it GG Rene captured everything that I was feeling over the past couple of years. And though she was just venting about her situation, I felt a bit of relief. I never thought I was alone in this struggle but to see someone else’s feelings, feelings that I too share, made everything a little better. I don’t know, I guess I felt justified in my feelings. I finally had permission to feel this way.